Growing up in a conservative, Christian household in Phoenix, Arizona, Harry Potter books were strictly off limits. It wasn’t until my Senior year of high school I finally convinced my parents to let me read the books and I, obviously, fell in love with the series. While it may sound random and insignificant to you, it was through Harry Potter that I discovered the city I lived in my whole life was named after a magical creature - a Phoenix bird. You see, I’m a sucker for the deep, poetic meanings behind things, and my perspective shifted after this discovery. This Phoenix bird, the name of the city I lived in, literally meant and symbolized my favorite Biblical saying, “beauty from ashes”. I loved how it all tied together back then - the series, my home, my faith - and I love how it has now formed into what seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.
Phoenix is and always will be my first home. I find myself missing the feeling of the warm dry air on my skin after being in a freezing cold restaurant, pool crashing beautiful local resorts, the specific smell in the air after a summer monsoon storm, and of course the convenience of seeing my family and friends frequently. I used to preach this phrase that I once found on an Arizona bumper sticker that read “love it or leave it!” whenever someone would speak poorly about living in my home state… but joke’s on me, because I ended up leaving, even though I love it.
While I love the state, I didn’t necessarily love all my experiences growing up here, specifically with some of my peers. I didn’t feel particularly liked, and more often felt rejected. The undertone of bullying and teasing at school that I experienced skewed my self perception, which is probably one of the reasons I threw myself so heavily into my education, church, and extracurricular activities. And thank God I did, because it landed me a scholarship that allowed me the opportunity to go out of state for college! I’ll never forget bawling on my couch in my childhood house moments before driving to my new school, in a new state, with a brand new beginning. I remember thinking “what if I never live in this house again?”. It was so scary to leave a place that was so comfortable, and enter into so much unknown. But, it didn’t feel like the right fit to stay, and it turns out leaving my hometown was the best thing I could’ve done for myself! It was there in California that more friendships and growth happened than I could have ever imagined.
Now I find myself back in Phoenix with that exact same familiar feeling. It feels poetic to be here again after what feels like a ‘death’ of so many things I love right before I’m ‘reborn' into something new. I find myself reminiscing on how far I’ve come since living in Phoenix, and can’t help but feel excited for this new unknown chapter. I have seen how much growth can come from leaving a place you love, that may no longer be the right fit. Even though I intend to return to California in time, I’ve learned it’s best for me to stop trying to predict or dictate where life will take me before it happens, and that it’s okay to lean into the loss or grief of things I never thought I’d ever give up. After all, I think it’s in my blood to believe something beautiful always comes from the ashes.